


dear steve

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Epistolary, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 17:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16099943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: For this prompt at comment-fic at livejournal: Bucky writes Steve a letter before going back into stasis in Wakanda.





	dear steve

**Author's Note:**

> Content warnings for hints at self-harm or lack of a will to live.

_Dear Steve,_

_I know it was hard for you to say good-bye. It was hard for me too. But my head is still a bundle of traps, and I could become him at any moment. I would make you less than you are. And to be totally honest, around you, even though it's always been an honor to fight by your side, I would rather be done with fighting. You would never run from a war, but I would. I figure after almost a hundred years, I've earned a break.  
_

\----- 

Bucky sighed and crumpled up the paper. He tried again.

\----- 

_Dear Steve,_

_All I want - all I've ever wanted - is for you to be happy.  
_

\----- 

Bucky immediately threw the paper away again. How do you tell your best friend that you left him to make him happy? 

\----- 

_Dear Steve,_

_We've known each other since we were kids. You know that there's no one I would rather be with. But I just can't right now. I just can't.  
_

\----- 

Bucky let out a breath. That had been painful to write. Honest, but painful.

Well, if he was going to spill his guts all messy onto this letter, he might as well really do it.

\----- 

_Dear Steve,_

_I love you. I'm in love with you. The fact that I can't be with you- and I really, really can't, not right now - it hurts like hell. But I swear it's not because I don't love with everything I have. You're a loudmouthed kid with a chip on your shoulder and a crappy attitude, and I've never been able to get enough of you._

_And I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry you gave up everything that matters to you, just to help me. After what I've done, what I am. It makes me sick, to be honest, to think about you giving up any more for me. So I think this should be good bye. And part of me hates saying that, part of me thinks I should say that when I wake up, I am going to take you to some remote island and we're going to make love around the clock for the rest of our unnaturally long lives. But I don't honestly think that's going to happen. I think, instead, that you're going to have to move on. But you should know that I've never loved anyone like I love you.  
_

\----- 

Bucky stared at the letter for a long time. It was cruel, to Steve, to finally speak that unspoken thing to him and then take away hope at the same time.

Nothing, even the truth, could make Bucky be cruel to Steve. 

____

\----- 

_Dear Steve,_

_Don't do anything stupid until I get back._

_Your best pal,_  
_Bucky_  


\----- 

 

Bucky folded the letter in half and put it in the envelope. He just had to trust that Steve would read between the lines.


End file.
